Starting to feel like ninety one thousand damn degrees outside? We got you. Chill the fuck out with a big ass cup of this tropical treat. All you need are five fucking ingredients and a blender. You should be able to handle that shit even if it feels like the world is melting.
PIÑA COLADA ICE CREAM
Makes about 1 ½ pints, enough for 2-3 sweaty motherfuckers
3 cups of frozen pineapple*
1 frozen banana, broken into chunks
1 ½ cups canned coconut milk
1 tablespoon liquid sweetener like agave or maple syrup, whatever you got
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
Throw everything in a blender and run that shit until it’s all smooth. Pour it into a loaf pan or similar shaped container and smooth it all around so it’s even. Don’t go freezing some uneven chunky bullshit and waste everybody’s time.
Cover and place in the motherfucking freezer until it is nice and solid, at least 5 hours depending on how shitty your freezer is. You know what the fuck you should do with ice cream after that. This is best eaten the first day or two after it’s made because it can get harder to scoop the longer it sits. But no doubt you or your roommates will get after it long before then.
*about one 16 ounce bag
ATTENTION: I had a rather offensive post go out that was not posted by me a few minutes ago, and I only noticed it after a few people started commenting on it. Most of you who know me know I would never post any hate messages like that - especially when it it blatantly racist, that idiotic and historically untrue. Password changed.
Had the craziest dream last night I went to Zaïre with my oldest boy and we were trying to find one of the rarest newts in the world (poach actually - for the hind legs) for medical research, while avoiding bandits and the law. I remember I was trying to do status updates on Google+ but my phone’s GPS wasn’t working. For some reason we were eating corn dogs the entire time we were there, and my son kept getting drawn to blond prostitutes (he’s only seven). #crazydream
There should be a White History Month in America. That way we can teach all about the things White Americans have done in history, like:
Cherokee Trail of Tears
Japanese American internment
The genocide of Native Americans
Transatlantic slave trade
The Middle Passage
The history of White American racism
Ku Klux Klan
The War on Drugs
Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo
How white racism grew out of slavery and genocide
How whites still benefit from slavery and genocide
The Southern strategy
The rape of black slave women
The Indian Wars
How the Jews became white
Indian Appropriations Acts
Immigration Act of 1924
Chinese Exclusion Act
Indian boarding schools
King Philip’s War
American slavery compared to Arab, Roman and Latin American slavery
History of the gun
History of the police
History of prisons
History of white suburbia
Lincoln’s racism and anti-racism
Real estate steering
Mass incarceration of black men
Boston school busing riots
And so on. No fear of running out of topics: there is more than one a day! I am sure my commenters can come up with tons more, probably some big ones that are not coming to mind at the moment (I did not list slavery, the abolitionist movement, the civil war, Reconstruction or Lincoln since they are, in fact, covered in history class, however poorly).
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb #quotes
Highly Aggressive Alligator http://ow.ly/zwpvk A highly aggressive alligator lunges in a lake in Bradenton, Florida. Still slightly lean, this 8-9 foot alligator is big enough to be dangerous and will start packing on the bulk the really big gators are known for.
Wanderlust is kicking in again… I need to get out of state and go somewhere new!
With my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
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